Mojo the Pest

My cat is proving to be quite the annoying idiot. He gets into trouble frequently, can't figure out "no", and will kill himself some day.

            For example, he pissed on my bed two days ago. This naturally leaves me disinclined to grant his request to sleep in the bed last night.

            "No," I tell him, "you can't get back down from my bed and you'll just pee up here again."

            "That's not my problem!" shrieks Mojo, "My problem is you won't let me up in your bed. Do my bidding, slave!"

            "No, now shut up you stupid cat!"

            "If you let me up I will stop meowing."

            "I'd rather have a shrieking kitten then a pissed bed."

            "You know that I'll just keep you up all night until you give in."

            "We shall see, Mojocity."

            This ended negotiations and signaled the beginning of the Battle of the Bed. Mojo started by getting on the windowsill and jumping on, shouting "Let me in, slave!" the entire time. At first I defected this invasion by picking him up and putting him back on the windowsill. After deflection 137, I decided that this wasn't working, and switched to wrapping him in a sheet and lowering him down to his basket at the bottom of the bed. This, too, proved futile, so I found two tacks in my ceiling and tacked up a sheet wall between the windowsill and the bed.

            At first, all Mojo could do was cling to the sheet and scream "YOU SUUUUUCCCKKKK!" as he slid down. Then, after about 23 rounds of this, Mojo found a gap that let him enter. To this, I responded with the familiar pattern of putting Mojo back in his basket. Finally, at about 2 in the morning, we came to a truce. Thus the Bed Treaty was agreed upon. These were the terms:

 

            I will keep a chair by my bed at night where I have to land every morning, and give Mojo free access to the bed, on the grounds he doesn't relieve himself in it, or other wise make it unsleepable.

 

            This is only taste of the pest that is Mojo. Just today he got singed by sleeping to close to the fire, got chased off by our dogs for trying to steal their food while they were eating it, and annoyed Dad all day.

            He is a pest, but he is a lovable pest.